Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
