I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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