There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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