Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I haven't been this sober since birth.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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