just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So much rum. So many feels.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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