Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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