why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
