I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
