Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
