went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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