it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
