A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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