nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
