Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm both gender and math confused
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
