I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
