Say something about gay babies.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
