I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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