Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
