Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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