I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
