Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just blew my weed a kiss
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
