He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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