6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
