I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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