he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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