I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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