the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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