i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
