Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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