Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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