I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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