So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
