I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
