this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
