he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
