I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
pray to the hookup gods
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
