Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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