tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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