I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
