We named our party play list daddy issues
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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