Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
