You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
