i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
