hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
