Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
