So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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