What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
