i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
