Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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