He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
