Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
