I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
