If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
